Angry Wong is Guest Column Angry

(Angry Daryl is Angry is happy to present our first Guest Angry post! - Daryl)

"PANTS ON THE GROUND. PANTS ON THE GROUND. LOOKIN LIKE A FOO' WITH YOUR PANTS ON THE GROUND."

In all seriousness, that man had a point. A very good one. 

Something is amiss in the State of People's Pants.

I was inspired by State Senator Gary Siplin of Florida passing out belts to high school students on the first day of school. You go Senator Siplin! No one wants to see y'all Floridian teens' fruit o' the looms! Hell no!

I've neatly summarized the problems with people's pants into three succinct categories:

BAGGY SAGGYS: Dear (sub)"urban" teens of America, as previously mentioned, I have absolutely no interest in seeing your various brands of underpants. I also do not appreciate your attempts to sag your man-pris into being pants. You look sloppy. If I was your supervisor I'd have you packed off to military school immediately. YOU are why our nation is becoming dumber. I'm only half kidding.

LEGGINGS: Dear women of America, leggings/jeggings/tights are NOT PANTS. Wearing a belted shirt that barely covers your butt REQUIRES YOU TO WEAR PANTS OR A SKIRT UNDERNEATH. I'm sorry but wearing leggings on the outside means you are basically naked. Not okay.

BAD JEANS: Dear Men of Washington and Europe, Please note the following list of unacceptable jeanswear: Acid-wash anything, high-waisted 80s mom jeans with your polo shirt tucked in, "highwaters" and "clamdiggers" just means your jeans were hemmed too short, "fitted" or "bootcut" jeans which show off your office-acquired boo-tay, skinny jeans of any persuasion. 

In short, pants make me angry. Maybe we should switch to pantless society and all of these problems would be solved.

Respectfully yours,

Wonderwong
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Fight on!