Monday, May 16, 2016

Middlers - scourge of the mens room

Since their seems to be a nation-wide obsession with bathrooms these days (thanks North Carolina), I thought I'd get into the act.

You tell 'em sister.

Now, since I'm a teary-eyed liberal, my issue isn't with WHO is in the bathroom, but WHERE in the bathroom they are. Specifically, where they are in relation to ME. The scourge of the mens room are the middlers. These are people who, in a 3 stall or 3 urinal bathroom, immediately occupy the middle bodily-function repository.

Why? Why do they do this? I don't want someone right next to me, unless there is simply no avoiding it due to: bad timing, a busy stretch in the mens room, an outbreak of dysentery, etc. That means you, or in my reality, me, are forced to sit, or stand, right next to some person while you both handle your excretory business. Good effing times.

I assume they do this for one of the following reasons: no self-awareness (none, zero, nada), extreme loneliness where they cannot bear being more than 3ft from another human being under any circumstance (they'd be perfect for the International Space Station, although I admit I have no idea what bathroom horrors they have to deal with in zero-g), or perhaps they were dropped on their head as a child, or as an adult, or both.

So, I close with this handy graphic about proper urinal/stall spacing. I will be posting this from floor to ceiling where needed. Failure to follow this simple patter will result in my throwing a urinal cake into your briefcase while you're not looking. And now, the graphic.

Note - spacing is correct in the green circle, but hand placement is NOT CORRECT. Maintain proper grip at all times. Perhaps even aim :)