Thursday, December 29, 2011

Our suggestion policy....

By: Daryl

Here at Angry Daryl Is Angry, we have a fully documented and active suggestion policy. It is represented graphically below.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

BEEP! Are you angry? BEEP! Are you angry? BEEP! Are you angry? BEEP! .....

By: April (for real!)

Human behavior on public transportation is a razor-thin line between "fascinating" and "annoying".

The newest participant is on my morning bus route.  Male, mid-20s, nice business-casual clothing, with his favorite accessory: wrist-watch with alarm.  Hey, Dick Tracy, is there a 1980s calculator option and LCD to go along with that fucking annoying alarm that you feel the need to have ring every FIVE FUCKING MINUTES??  Here's a clue:  It's the same damn bus route EVERY morning!!  AND this route manages to stay on schedule 95% of the time.  Sacrifice a brain cell and set your pipsqueak alarm ONCE for closer to your favored bus stop.  I so enjoy your masculine display of snoring, twitching, and drooling all along the merry way, but I will not miss that beeping that is now eternally ingrained in every human brain. 


Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Forward, idiots. FORWARD!

By: Daryl

As 2011 comes to a close, it's been a great year at Angry Daryl Is Angry. Ted and I have....


Oh Sweet White Baby Jesus in the Manger, how I LOATHE year-end retrospectives. I don't care where they come from: political campaigns, issue campaigns, websites, blogs, Jesus, Mohammed, Moses, Thor, Cthulhu, your mom, - I hate them.

They suck. Hard.

"But why, Angry Daryl? Why do they suck so hard? They make me feel so warm, and cozy, and sleepy, like a sleep over at Michael Jackson's house!"

Well, let me tell you. They suck because year end retrospectives are just a clever way of saying "WE DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NEW TO PRESENT TO YOU SO WE ARE GOING TO RECYCLE SOME OLD POOP AND PRESENT IT AS FRESH, STEAMING HOT NEW POOP. AREN'T YOU GLAD WE DID THAT IN YOUR MOUTH???"

And, just to cover all my bases, I'm not going to send out a breezy, sleazy, chirpy, slurpy "Look at all the shiny things we will do in your pants in 2012" email, either.

Why? BECAUSE THEY SUCK, TOO. And, it may also have to do with the fact that I have no idea what I will present to you in 2012. So there.

Good day, fuckers.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Creepy Kim Jong-il pictures......

By: Daryl

Dictators make the best fertilizer. In the meantime, let us remember the North Korean dictator at his best: massaging giant cucumbers, and getting ready for some Russian mouth-love, courtesy of Vladimir "Not a KGB gangster at all" Putin.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Mayhem and me

By guest blogger: April!

Another ghastly day of commuting to the office... Where do I start? Would it be the lady on the metro car, sharing her "melodious" singing voice with the rest of us AT 6:15AM? Or, the guy on the bus, snoring softly, just enough to make you notice?

But then the real fun starts AT the office!

Someone's breakfast consisting of greasy, heated, stinky potatoes. A temper-tantrum throwing programmer (thank God he's raising the next generation). The interminable meeting. More co-workers sharing their American Idol talents (seriously, whatever happened to solitary, silent enjoying of music?). More re-heated gaggy lunch leftovers.

Yeah, it's PMS week....SO FUCKING WHAT?!?!! But the topper of the day was the commute back.

It started with an agonizingly slow bus ride....

But, the piece-de-resistance whilst observing from my throne on the metro (outside rail, above ground) was the gentleman in the four door sedan that decided there was far, far too much space between him and the concrete barrier. I kid you not, at 60 miles per hour, the car eased into the concrete and was going so fast that the drivers side front and rear tires lifted off the pavement.

I cannot believe he didn't flip the car! I didn't notice any panicky movements, or sudden swerving. He just calmly started to decelerate. In my disbelief and horror, I realized there was nothing I could do as I was hurled over the metro tracks, trapped in my train-car.

And now, I raise my travel flask to the imbecile's of the day: To the smellies, to the snories, and to the crash-test dummies; Have a nice day.

Angry Daryl is ThoughtCrime Angry. DoublePlusUnGood

By: Daryl "Winston" Northrop

So we should probably watch out for this. Just saying.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Stupid work email's make me angry....

Lets keep my inbox tidy, shall we, you worthless sacks of flesh.

Inbox is at zero right now. Beautiful.

Monday, December 5, 2011

The embargo on Cuban anger is making me angry....

By: Daryl "Libertad para Cuba" Northrop

I had always been under the impression that you could bring back Cuban cigars from overseas if it was less than $100 worth.

But no. Our nanny-state government has forbidden it. Why? WHO THE HELL KNOWS. The stupid Cuban embargo enacted in the 1960's really hasn't seemed to do any damn good considering the rest of the world trades freely with Cuba! Apparently our foreign policy towards Cuba is "Spite, with stubborn thrown in for good measure."

So here is the import regulation. I weep.

"Can I import Cuban cigars into the U.S.?
No. The allowance for bringing in up to $100 worth of Cuban cigars if you were on authorized travel to Cuba is no longer in effect. All importations of Cuban cigars are illegal, including Cuban cigars that were acquired in other countries (such as Canada, England, or Mexico).
There is now an across board ban on the importation into the United States of Cuban-origin cigars and other Cuban-origin tobacco products, as well as most other products of Cuban origin. This prohibition extends to such products acquired in Cuba, irrespective of whether a traveler is licensed by Office of Foreign Assets Control (OFAC) to engage in Cuban travel related transactions.
Criminal penalties for violation of the Regulations range up to $1,000,000 in fines for corporations, $250,000 for individuals and up to 10 years in prison. Civil penalties of up to $65,000 per violation may be imposed by OFAC.
Foreign residents and visitors to the U.S.(i.e., French, Mexican etc) may not bring in goods of Cuban origin under any circumstances."