Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Dear Northern Virginia drivers....

By: Daryl "Just run in to me, I like it. Yeah, do it harder baby" Northrop

Hello reader(s). This morning, for the SECOND TIME IN ONE WEEK, some mentally inert waste of oxygen spaced off at a stop light and rolled backwards into my front bumper. Good. Fucking. Times.

Luckily, an artist was present at each incident and was able to do a quick sketch of me:

Notice that when I am angry, my ears vanish. Weird, right?

Why? Why does this happen? How distracted/mentally deficient do you have to be in order to forget to keep you damn foot on the damn brake????

POP QUIZ: Identify the brake pedal in this mysterious jumble of automotive gadgetry:

Hint - it's NOT the skinny pedal.

And I end up asking myself "Why are Northern Virginia drivers so damn bad at driving?" Then, after nearly 20 seconds of Google-sleuthing, I found this!


Notice the left hand turn from the right hand lane maneuver on the cover. This is a Northern Virginia classic! I see this every single day. You're just not driving correctly unless you suspend every goddamned ounce of self awareness you have and just drive wherever the fuck you want. Bonus point if you are just plain suicidal.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go try to scrub the invisible fucking bullseye off the bumper of my super-tough Prius.

1 comment:

  1. Literally laughed out loud. Not at your misfortune, just to make that clear.