Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Virginia: Now with All-You-Can-Buy-Gun-Buffet!

By: Angry (yet strangely gun-less) Daryl

GUNS! Love 'em. Need 'em. Want 'em. Gotsta own lots of them!

Luckily, I live in Virginia, where the enlightened legislators in Richmond repealed the states mean, restrictive, insane, communist, unwholesome, anti-American law that limited citizens to ONE MEASLY HANDGUN PURCHASE PER MONTH.


No matter how you say it. Being able to buy only one lonely handgun per month was so awful it was likely to make you fail to signal a lane change, or worse yet, vote for Green Party candidates. Go ahead. PROVE ME WRONG.

So I thought to myself "who would benefit from being able to by multiple handguns per month?"

The first person that came to mind is this guy:

Because when you're hunting varmints or that rascally rabbit Bugs Bunny, you need more than one gun. And of course, one cannot forget the Hindu god Vishnu***...

Apologies to Hindu's everywhere.
 I only used this pic because it made me feel silly in my pants

And if we're going to include cartoon characters and dieties, we better include scary monsters, too. Because scary monsters love guns. Just ask one! There he is, right under your bed.... This fellow here has clearly suffered from Virginia's previous one-gun-per month law. He had to fashion a buzz-saw and a set of pincers for his other two hands!

Now, best of all, the overachieving seemingly multiple-armed douche-canoe in your office who sets expectations so high that none of you will ever get a decent raise can now go on a truly epic killing spree because they can now purchase enough guns for all their effing arms at the same time. HOORAY.

"Yes, I know I need yet another arm to hold my phone
OMFG where are all my guns all at once???

So, nut-huggers, the lesson here in Virginia is that the enlightened plantation owners of the state legislature are busy repealing unjust laws that deeply impact all of us. I have to go now, as I am part of a lobbying act to lower the cost of getting a drivers license for my pet Cylons.

Hey! They only have one gun each! THE OUTRAGE.

No comments:

Post a Comment