Angry Daryl is Green (Party) with Anger...

By: Daryl

As many of you know, because I endlessly blather to you about it lest you forget, I am active with the Green Party. Why? Because I can count to 3, and 3 > 2. Neener. 

Always wanting to learn about new campaign tactics, strategies, and meet fellow Greenies, I was happy to hear that the Maryland Green Party, in concert with the Green Party of the United States, was offering Campaign Training at the Green Party national headquarters in District of Columbia. The information was in an email that had been forwarded to me. And that was when I noticed something odd.

There was no RSVP instructions. It wasn't a Facebook event, or a Meetup, or an Evite, or any sort of meeting where they had any idea who might be showing up. "Oh you silly Greens," I thought "with your plan shit by the seat of your pants because planning is hard and doing things withou a plan is just a pants-pooping good time." The meeting was scheduled to start at 8:30am on Saturday January 21st.

What could possible go wrong?

Oh John....you had such lovely hair....

Good question, John Huntsman! I'll tell you what went wrong. The greater DC area received NEARLY AN ENTIRE INCH OF SNOW. SNOW, I TELL YOU! AN INCH!  Being a savvy guy, I wondered if this might impact my Green Party campaign training even. Check email: no updates. Check national Green Party website: no updates. Check Maryland Green Party website: no updates. Call Green Party HQ: no updated voicemail. So I hopped into my Prius (now with extra eco-smugness) and drove off to GPHQ nestled in the Takoma Park neighborhood of DC.

I stroll up to the office building, and this is what I see.....

A MOTHERFUCKING PAPER NOTE TAPED TO THE EFFING WINDOW. WHAT IS THIS, THE X-FILES??? IS THE  SMOKING MAN STANDING BEHIND ME? WILL I GET TO MAKE OUT WITH SCULLY? OR MULDER? NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT!

This is why the Green Party can't have nice things....like electoral victories. It's because far too many of us cannot communicate or organize our way out of a wet paper bag. (Please recycle, nut-hugger) Heaven fucking forbid we: actually collect RSVP emails and send an  email that states "Hey, 1 inch of snow made my balls shrivel up inside me, so the training is canceled." Or, oh I don't know....UPDATE THE VOICEMAIL ON THE OFFICE PHONE TO SAY "TRAINING'S CANCELED, BITCHES, FIGURE IT OUT BY YOURSELF!!!!!"

It is amateur hour bullshit like this that makes me furious. Is it as retarded as say, Gingrich, Perry, and Santorum being too damn dumb to get on the Virginia Primary ballot? No. But, if we can't do the goddamned easy stuff like schedule campaign training, and simultaeously be able to deal with the collapse of society due to one entire inch of snow, how do we expect to seize power, declare a Green Party perpetual dictatorship, send all Republicans and Democrats to our pre-planned Ralph Nader-themed "Re-education camps." and loot the fuck out of the Treasury???...um....I mean build a grassroots democracy movement that promises hugs and unicorns for all?

Looking forward to this little meeting being rescheduled so I can ream the hell out of whoever decided that ink-on-paper-stuck-to-a-window passes for effective communication in 2012. In 1612, this would have been the best shit ever, come to think of it.

Assholes.