Here's a quickie for you. What? You want foreplay? Forget it. This blog is about my pleasure. Not yours. Not ever.
This humble (yet perfect) blog entry is about volume, as in sound energy.
I have a real issue with the sound mix in modern movies. Basically, it fucking sucks really really hard, like a black hole. The problem is this - when viewed on DVD, the recording level is ridiculously quiet for lines spoken between characters, you know, HUMAN SPEECH, which is allegedly where the plot lives. (Unless it's a Michael Bay movie, in that case, the plot exists partially in some explosions, but mostly in the glorious bosom of Megan Fox. LOL. Boobies.)
Conversely, for explosions, gunfire, machine noises, farm animal grunts, toilets flushing, and deep fat fryers, the volume level is recorded WAY TOO LOUD!
So that's where the title of this blog post comes from. 90% of movies on DVD sound like this: mumble, mumble, mumble, BOOM!!!!!!!, mumble, mumble.....and then a pinch of completely unnecessary but totally appreciated nudity.
Other potential titles for the entry were:
1. Why watch a movie when you can be forced to focus on the shitty sound level mixing?
2. Volume goes up, volume goes down, volume goes up, volume goes
3. Movie sound engineers are all fucking sadists and need to die.
4. If you tell me I need Dolby Ultra 5.1 Super Thrust Surround Lube Sound Penetration Design speakers, I will test my new piranha collection on your (insert most prized and precious body party here).