Here's a creepy shot of one of your esteemed blogger persons when he and his wife abandoned all sense of good taste and showed up at this blogger's house for no apparent reason.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Angry Daryl Being Angry
Here's a creepy shot of one of your esteemed blogger persons when he and his wife abandoned all sense of good taste and showed up at this blogger's house for no apparent reason.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Good news to all the Fatty McFatterson's out there
By: Daryl
Get excited in your pants for horrible, fat-drenched food, delivered directly to your house, practically RIGHT INTO YOUR FAT PIE-HOLE. Because, we just didn't have far too many options for this already.
I am getting fatter just writing this blog-post, and you're chunking up alarmingly as you read it.
We received this little love-note in our mailbox last week.
Apparently, Burger King, in a move to get more Americans to self-inflict obesity, heart disease, and diabetes on themselves, will deliver their alleged food-like products straight to your door. The door to your lazy, stained-with-shame, house. Why? Because you just ordered Burger King, which is bad enough, but were too damned lazy to walk (wtf is that?), ride a bike (again, wtf is that?), take a taxi (now we're talking), or drive in your large, American-made automobile (HELL YEAH!) in an effort to get your bag of greasy death.
So dial away, porkie! A bloated death can now be brought to your door.
Get excited in your pants for horrible, fat-drenched food, delivered directly to your house, practically RIGHT INTO YOUR FAT PIE-HOLE. Because, we just didn't have far too many options for this already.
I am getting fatter just writing this blog-post, and you're chunking up alarmingly as you read it.
We received this little love-note in our mailbox last week.
Apparently, Burger King, in a move to get more Americans to self-inflict obesity, heart disease, and diabetes on themselves, will deliver their alleged food-like products straight to your door. The door to your lazy, stained-with-shame, house. Why? Because you just ordered Burger King, which is bad enough, but were too damned lazy to walk (wtf is that?), ride a bike (again, wtf is that?), take a taxi (now we're talking), or drive in your large, American-made automobile (HELL YEAH!) in an effort to get your bag of greasy death.
So dial away, porkie! A bloated death can now be brought to your door.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Blogspot hates me and the Green Party
AND I HATE YOU RIGHT FUCKING BACK! Seriously, me....Green Party.....awesomeness. Think about it.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Outrage of the day: Shitty DJ's and SuperStar DJ's who are actually just Shitty DJ's on a big stage
By: Daryl
Just to be clear, by DJ, I do not mean "on air voice personality that speaks in nothing but cliche's." I mean someone who mixes songs together with the intent of achieving a purpose: a lively dancefloor, evoking a mood, supporting rappers on stage, etc.
Shitty DJ's make me fucking crazy in the head, so do superstar Shitty DJ's.
First, some definitions. Below, courtesy of Ted "I gotta YouBoob clip for that" Severson, is a shitty DJ. He's a wedding DJ who wears sneakers, and likes to keep time with the music by....well, just watch the clip. Not Really Safe For Work, fyi. Do you even have a job???
Well, that was horrifying, wasn't it? I have to go gouge my eyes out with a shovel, soaked in lemon juice, covered in cobra venom. That's better..........
Below, we have Tiesto, who is a SuperStar Shitty DJ. His music (and may of his ilk) is characterized by the same beat for 90 minutes that neither gets faster or slower, songs that have nothing but shimmery synth sounds sprinked with vapid female vocals, with the same beat (thumpthumpthumpthumpthump), and are usually coupled with an AMAZING light show to give you some distraction to the boredom being generated behind the turntables. (Insider tip, most do not use turntables and vinyl - they use mp3 files and controllers).
So, start the caffeine drip, and check out this craptacular DJ.
An example of a DJ with amazing skill, and music taste is Z-Trip, a party-style DJ. Check out the different styles of music, actual turntable use, and some unexpected twists.
Also at the level of Z-Trip is MixMaster Mike. He is an incredible DJ (hip-hop, turntablist, scratch) in his own right, and is also the DJ for the Beastie Boys.
Just to be clear, by DJ, I do not mean "on air voice personality that speaks in nothing but cliche's." I mean someone who mixes songs together with the intent of achieving a purpose: a lively dancefloor, evoking a mood, supporting rappers on stage, etc.
Shitty DJ's make me fucking crazy in the head, so do superstar Shitty DJ's.
First, some definitions. Below, courtesy of Ted "I gotta YouBoob clip for that" Severson, is a shitty DJ. He's a wedding DJ who wears sneakers, and likes to keep time with the music by....well, just watch the clip. Not Really Safe For Work, fyi. Do you even have a job???
Well, that was horrifying, wasn't it? I have to go gouge my eyes out with a shovel, soaked in lemon juice, covered in cobra venom. That's better..........
Below, we have Tiesto, who is a SuperStar Shitty DJ. His music (and may of his ilk) is characterized by the same beat for 90 minutes that neither gets faster or slower, songs that have nothing but shimmery synth sounds sprinked with vapid female vocals, with the same beat (thumpthumpthumpthumpthump), and are usually coupled with an AMAZING light show to give you some distraction to the boredom being generated behind the turntables. (Insider tip, most do not use turntables and vinyl - they use mp3 files and controllers).
So, start the caffeine drip, and check out this craptacular DJ.
An example of a DJ with amazing skill, and music taste is Z-Trip, a party-style DJ. Check out the different styles of music, actual turntable use, and some unexpected twists.
Also at the level of Z-Trip is MixMaster Mike. He is an incredible DJ (hip-hop, turntablist, scratch) in his own right, and is also the DJ for the Beastie Boys.
And lastly, we have DJ? Acucrack (producer, dancefloor). Sorry for the mediocre sound quality, it's the best I could find.
And if you are still reading by this point, why don't you check out a little mix I've done for a friends brunch. It's a bit rough, but it has potential. You can listen or download here.
Say, would you like to be a Shitty DJ or a Shitty SuperStar DJ, or maybe an actual DJ that is fun to listen to? You can download a free mixing program here. No controller hardware required, just music files, and you own imagination. Just try not to suck, ok?
Monday, October 24, 2011
Do you work in an office? Yay! You're screwed!
By: Daryl
Hello fellow mouth-breathers.
Do you work in an office? So do I!!!! We're cubicle buddies! We make "TPS Report" jokes from the late 90's still sound fresh as they did 4 years ago when they were still pretty damn old.
As you may know, offices have "problems" such as: IT systems that do not work, or other employees that do not work, or employees who work very hard at wasting the time of other employees actually trying to do work. So, what is management to do? Do they:
Hello fellow mouth-breathers.
Do you work in an office? So do I!!!! We're cubicle buddies! We make "TPS Report" jokes from the late 90's still sound fresh as they did 4 years ago when they were still pretty damn old.
As you may know, offices have "problems" such as: IT systems that do not work, or other employees that do not work, or employees who work very hard at wasting the time of other employees actually trying to do work. So, what is management to do? Do they:
- Clearly address the issue and give firm guidance (heh. 'Firm.' *giggle*)?
- Make prudent investments in computer and network technology and other shiny electronic boobs?
- Ruthlessly discipline the aforementioned malcontent employees?
What is usually done is to reshuffle the deck. This consists of moving teams from the control of one VP to another. Because this makes a huge difference. Yep. Huge. Like you mom's meatloaf. To drive this point home, I have included this handy deck of cards/slab of meat picture. Why? Because it's my blog, that's why! And, it visually represents the deck of cards/meat analogies I am using. Or are they metaphors. Fuck, I don't know. I'm no east coast elitist. GO GWU COLONIALS! BUFF AND BLUE ONWARD TO VICTORY, AND THEN SCONES!!!
And now, the picture.
Pretty awesome right? And just so you know, you're looking at my meat. That's right. Gaze longingly at it. Meaty.
Upcoming posts, or, "I tease, you giggle."
By: Daryl
Upcoming posts will feature such turgid topics as:
1. Reshuffling the deck: Maybe we'll magically get more than 52 cards this time!
2. How to be a Super Star DJ. (Translation: Super Star DJ's almost always suck, and I'll tell you why, and I'll give you the tools to fix this problem, you lazy fucks)
Kindly sit on the edge of your seats in anticipation.
Thanks, ingrates!
Daryl
Friday, October 21, 2011
Follow me on twitter if you enjoy....MY SCORCHING LIBERALISM!!!!
As a twitter-whore, I get a special tingle in my naughties when someone follows me. However, I am often baffled when people who are diametrically opposed to my politics choose to follow. Are they just randomly following people? Are they curious about the glorious slow-motion train wreck that is the Green Party? Do they think I'm cute? BECAUSE I AM!
Regardless, this lucky fellow is in for some fun...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)