Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Grinding, ongoing annoyance: My father thinks all his stuff is collectible and worth a krazillion billion dollars


Let me be clear (to quote that muslim/socialist/atheist/capitalist guy in the White House) - I love my father. There. I said it. He's a great guy in a Clint Eastwood-in-Gran Torino-but-not-as-psychotically-violent-way. But like you and I (well, more like you. I'm fucking perfect.), he has flaws. Lots. And some of his flaws have flaws. Basically, has a Flawcety McFlawster.

But, to review, I love him.

Here is a sappy-assed picture to further drive this point home.

(not really my father and I, just something off the google image smeller)

You see, dear reader(s?) - my father hangs on to crap, chotchkies, momento's, trinkets, and all manner of old crap, in the fantasy/delusion that one day he will find that his toy car from 1977 is worth $900 million dollars. But, according to the cruel capitalist dominatrix that is Ebay, it's actually worth $1.53 + $9.00 shipping.

I have tried to explain this to him. However, he is 82. Apparently when you are 82, you generate a fact-proof shield that deflects all information that conflicts with your pre-ordained view that your dust-laden junk is worth a pile a cash. Me- "But Dearest Father, the Ebay machine says your book of collectible stamps from the 1940's is worth $8, so that's all you will get for it." Father - "Ok, son, start the bidding at $497.00! Will be richer than Croesus" Me- "Yes, father."

So what am I looking into selling for him now? His "collectible" old 78rpm records from god-knows-when-ago. He sent me some price information guides from 1991 (yes, 1991. You remember - Bush was President and we were invading Iraq. *rimshot* HAMMERTIME!)

Pics of the misery for your miseryfication.

Oh it gets better. Yep - date on the newspaper: 1991.

But who knows? After he sends me his hand-written list of records, there could be one gem in there worth nearly TENS of dollars.

I love my father.

No comments:

Post a Comment