Angry Math, or, how 39 equals 75

By: Daryl

GET OFF MY LAWN YOU DAMN KIDS!!!!!

Which is Daryl? Which is Ted? Who knows? Have you gotten off my lawn yet?









Monday, I ran some errands that proved that 39 equals 75. Or, more specifically, as a 39 year old, I morphed into a 75 year old due to the nature of my errands. The errands were:

1. I went to the post office. Old people LOVE the post office. Why? Lord only knows. Ask a geezer yourself and report back to me.
2. I mailed the complimentary calendar that I got with my Washington Post newspaper subscription. Yes, an actual paper-and-ink newspaper. Quaint, eh? And oh-so-retro! Fucking hipsters have nothing on me...
3. And other errand was....drumroll please....I had to pick up fresh batteries for my hearing aid!** 

What. The. Hell. I'm never running errands again. 

Brainstorm! Perhaps I should switch to a non-electrical hearing aid. Do you think this is a good idea? What? I can't hear you. SPEAK THE HELL UP!

**Yes, I have a hearing aid in my left ear. Why? Because I have a hearing loss, dumbass.